Women of Color and Boudoir: Why We are Worth It- Self Empowerment Boudoir- Nine19 Photography Raleigh NC
HANG IN THERE, this one is a doozy… first let me chat a bit about this amazing woman. She is a storm to be reckoned with. She owns a couple of businesses, is sitting at ALL the tables, and leaves her mark as a social media influencer. I’ve known her a very long time and to see what she’s done with her life and how she affects others is truly inspiring! To have her trust me with something that is so vulnerable means the world to me! I asked her to speak about her experience with boudoir, her thoughts, and concerns with the whole process and she agreed. After reading what she had to say, I decided to reach out to other photographers to hear the concerns they had from their clients, especially Black Women, as well. It has re-opened my eyes to the fear and frustrations that women feel doing boudoir and why it’s so important to make more space here for Women of Color.
Read more about her thoughts below and if you’re interested in booking, please reach out by clicking the little button below!
“Yet, when I am alone in my bedroom playing dress up in the mirror wearing my favorite lingerie or hoodie is when I feel the best, it’s when I feel the sexiest, the prettiest... the most comfortable. Then it clicked! Boudoir wasn’t about dressing up in sexy lingerie... It was more about feeling empowered, loving the skin that you’re in, and body positivity”
In her own words…
Boudoir... I found myself repeating the word over and over again as if the definition in Websters Dictionary was going to change. I couldn't believe that I was about to do a BOUDOIR photoshoot. I felt a wave of emotions! I immediately thought to myself, "what would people say? Maybe I should hit the gym a few extra times this week... What would my mother say?!" I was nervous and excited but boudoir just felt like a "dirty" word. I researched the definition, "a French word meaning a lady's private dressing room or bedroom." Is that why it felt so dirty? Was it the word 'private' dressing room or bedroom that made it feel so risqué? Yet, when I am alone in my bedroom playing dress up in the mirror wearing my favorite lingerie or hoodie is when I feel the best, it's when I feel the sexiest, the prettiest... the most comfortable. Then it clicked! Boudoir wasn't about dressing up in sexy lingerie... It was more about feeling empowered, loving the skin that you're in, and body positivity. So why did I have all of this anxiety?
As a woman of color we are constantly struggling with looking "appropriate" vs provocative. A few weeks ago, I walked into work with a hunter green knee-length dress. Immediately I heard, "Whooooaaa Hot Mama." from a coworker. That was followed up with, "I just bought the same dress from Banana Republic but it doesn't look like that on me." All of the sudden I felt uncomfortable, was I dressed too sexy for work? What message am I sending? A million thoughts ran through my head. Maybe this type of reaction contributed to my fears and hesitation with doing a boudoir photoshoot... Was I going to be judge by my peers? Were my peers going to assume that I was seeking attention, that I should be more covered, or place a negative label on me for simply embracing my body? Far too often, I see on social media WoC being bashed saying that their clothing is two sexy and/or provocative. Yet, when a non-WoC wears something revealing its "fashion." I think of all of the, I'd rather go naked than wear fur ads that Peta ran.. no one blinked an eye... Yet, JLo wears a beautiful body suit during the SuperBowl and everyone is outraged. Or when Serena Williams wore a pink tights and a catsuit the world went nuts with disapproval Yet, it's totally acceptable for someone like Brittney Spears, the Kardashians, or Bella Hadid to wear much less fabric.
I look at boudoir from in a totally different lens now. It's one step closer taking back our ability to embrace our body, accepting for our curves, or simply embracing our body in beautiful lingerie and it being capture in a tasteful photo. Boudoir is no longer defined as a french word meanings a lady's private room. It's now means empowering women to love their skin, to feel confident no matter what they are wearing because clothes does not define the person, but it can damn sure make us feel good.
“If you cant love yourself, then how in the hell are you going to love somebody else? Can I get an amen?”
I recently reached out to a group of Black Women Photographers and asked why don’t we see more Women of Color doing boudoir sessions, here are a few reasons we came up with:
1) Being over sexualized as children or before we understood what sexuality even was
2) Being Fetishized
3) Being told or raised thinking that our bodies are never truly ours. They belong to our partners, our children, religious deities
4) Being shamed for feeling empowered, “who does she think she is?” or fear of being “slut shamed”
5) Cost, we aren’t allowed to spend large amounts of money on ourselves, even if we have it
6) The fear of Male Photographers being predators (not saying all are, but a few bad apples)
7) Privacy Concerns, where will these portraits truly end up?
8) Religious Upbringings
9) Not enough WoC Photographers shooting in their area
10) Misconceptions on what boudoir is really about
“Women, especially Women of Color battle with ideas of being “worthy” of love by fighting their natural sexual urges thanks to outside influences and societal norms. We have to be worth marrying or loving, by saying we are “pure” without needing to expect the same of our partners and counterparts. With society’s idea changing on how women’s sexual desires are accepted we get the opportunity to grow OPENLY (because we were doing this with or without acceptance) into complete human beings.”
How do we change the conversation around Women of Color, especially, Black Women and Boudoir?
Addressing all of these concerns will take more than one photographer and her amazing clients. We have to collectively be accepting of women and their sexuality. On a individual bases, however, using boudoir as a way to regain your power and acceptance over your own body is one way to change the conversation. I have clients who have survived traumatic experiences and they have used their boudoir session to own their body, to say they have control over their sensuality, and to heal from their trauma. To be apart of that healing journey is beautiful and sacred. The tears shed in this space is special and to take some of that weight and bare it for my clients, just for a couple of hours even, is a weight worth holding. It’s like these clients are caterpillars shedding their shells and reappearing as butterflies.
A lot of my clients are, for a lack of better terminology, BOSS ASS BITCHES, they make money, take care of their households, and they know what they bring to the table. I have found, by doing my own sessions, that elevating beyond the “male gaze” and “peer pressure” creates so much growth. Refusing societal pressure and owning who you are, as a whole individual, nothing can replace that. Treating yourself is okay and those who use you for support, need to see you happy and fulfilled too. The truth is boudoir is maybe not for everyone and that’s okay, its your life, but if you are even just a little curious asking questions don’t hurt and if you’re some one who doesn’t want to see it, then change the channel, honey.
I do want to address the fear of portraits being leaked and the fear of religious judgement. It would be career suicide for any boudoir photographer to go against her clients request of not sharing portraits. Trust is a HUGE part of boudoir (anything sensual/sexual really) and a true photographer would never risk losing their business over sharing one clients portraits. I will always have clients that no one knows have worked with me and I’m okay with that! With religion, check out my blog featuring a beautiful mother, wife, and pastor… she gave an amazing perspective to the intersection of church, feminism, and boudoir!
A Huge shout out to Santana of Lucid Skin Beauty for her amazing face beat! She is extremely talented and I cant wait to work with her again!
If you want to book Nine19 Photography for you boudoir session, reach out to me and let’s chat! I want to hear all about your vision for your session!